January musIng….2023

It’s January 2023

… I always think that life resets in January, not that I make any resolutions. Theres’s something about a pristine new diary (ok, any new stationary, pens, pencils… the ‘stash’) that makes my heart flutter. It always has.

But the thing I feel more than anything else is a sense of ‘now’. There is only now. The past influences my ‘now’, and will help shape whatever future I have. So ‘now’ …. here we go

Disclaimer / Vision (albeit blurry)

1. I am not perfect and do not pretend to be an ‘authority’ on anything. But I’m happy to muse about all the strands of my life and you’re welcome to join me

Chris and I …..

A little ancient history and beyond…..

I’m an American who has been living and working in the UK since 1980. Chris and I were together for almost 40 years until he died of cancer in the Autumn just before the pandemic began. My foggy brain was just getting back into life and work when everything changed… or maybe it just stayed the same.

We were lucky to be living in the UK when Chris was diagnosed and were told from the beginning that it was going to eventually kill him. For almost 2 years as the disease progressed Chris was able to work and live a fairly normal life, even with the various treatments, drugs, and hospital visits. It was only the last few months that everything declined rapidly. Thanks to our many friends, the NHS, Rennie Grove, our doctors, District nurses and especially the Carers who came in twice most days allowed him the dignity of hospice at home. When we were told that he probably had only a few months left, I resigned all of my work to stay home with him.

My work was very important to me…… I seldom took jobs just for the money….. we always seemed to have ‘just enough’ and funnily when opportunities to live more comfortably arose, there was always something that held us back. I’m not complaining… it was just a repeating pattern

Even before Chris’ illness I was burning out and had been ‘hurt’ 1 time too many….. I was not sure of what I wanted to do, go back or try and create something else. That’s what this website is all about. Allowing me to explore all the things I love to do, in the hopes and plan of moving forward with a purpose.

The strands of my life have been pretty constant…. Music was my calling, making was my need, and a cosy home with yummy food formed the basis of my days. Friends and family have been important, although as with most lives not always easy.

But I’ve always had a need for some ‘alone time’.

MUSIC has always been important and I can’t think of a time I didn’t ‘perform’ in some way. I’ve been fortunate and challenged by this profession, through teaching, singing, leading countless workshops, and conducting. I’ve even written some music, but have never really thought of myself as a ‘composer’, more of a music educator with the occasional good idea.

I come from a family of MAKERS. We’ve had professional artists and artisans, but all of us craft and make. My Grandmother (Booey) crocheted scarves and mittens for all of us grandchildren every Christmas. My Aunt Pat was an artist, having a very distinct style of her own, wonderfully fun, and was the first person who showed me about ‘thinking out of the box’… painting doors and furniture. My mother did lots of crafts, and she was a wonderful seamstress…. Every Christmas / Easter she made me the most wonderful dresses and sometimes coats, and I can remember more than once waking up on Christmas morning to a new doll who had the same dress I had…. My aunt Barb was a wonder with making a house special, and her baked beans were legendary….

Crochet, Knitting, quilting, embroidery, drawing, painting, stencilling….. you name it we all pretty much tried it.

All the women in my family have a sense of COSY home style. Nothing ever too formal the key was always welcoming. We don’t all decorate the same way, but I think a sense of joy permeates through all of us.

Living alone again after 40+ years means I have no filter, and the pandemic has only reinforced this as I continue to have few visitors. I can make and decorate and not have to please anyone except me. My home is ‘unfinished’… no, I don’t mean it just needs painting and decorating… I mean there are serious issues that need to be addressed to be able to ‘live’ in this house, 2022 has shown me I am unable to do this alone.

I love this house and this area, but have decided that I will be moving this year. I am saddened that the vision I had when I first saw the house will never be and it’s time to let go and let someone else realise theirs.

So, the house is on the market and 2023 will be a time of many changes….

I want to live in a finished house.. need to really….

But it’s more than that. I want to be part of the world again, and I can’t do that here.

……… so now, I begin….

Jo McNally

I am not perfect and do not pretend to be an ‘authority’ on anything. But I’m happy to muse about all the strands of my life and you’re welcome to join me