FEBRUARY / 2023

February…. There are changes in the air… and I’m bittersweet about all of them. This is my last year in our home. Last November I decided (with some gentle prodding) that it might be time to just live in a house that was ‘finished’…. Near friends… and begin to move forward with the next part of my life.. or…

I can’t do what needs to be done in this house…. There is too much to do.. and not all of it is decorative.  So, the decision was made, found a decent estate agent, pictures taken, unrealistic price put on the house and off we went.

There were a couple of viewing before the holidays.. but nothing serious… and then the hols took over and so a hiatus ….

January had a few more viewings, and although the house price was dropped substantially ( slightly more realistic for what needs to be done) the next lot of viewers all thought there was too much to do, and they could get a house in better repair for less… (funnily, they all liked me… I hope they realise ‘I’ don’t come with the house)

The thing about my house… is the potential… and the ‘view’… well, you’ve seen the ‘view from my hill’… it’s the one thing I will miss terribly…. And although it needs some love and attention, it is NOT a wreck and the main living spaces are cosy and comfortable. So, I wait for someone to ‘see’ my home… not just ‘view’ it. 

In the meantime, I’ve just started to actually view potential properties, I’ve seen 4.

I was aware from my own houses pics how selective they and be to look great on paper… like when you’re choosing a holiday hotel… they always show the best bits.. but what is just out of frame might be a building site or the worlds largest dog kennel next door… You never ‘know’ until you see it!….

Here we go.

The first is a little thatched 2 bed house with ‘death defying’ stairs’. The ceilings are very low,  usual in a house this old, but the potential and the price would make it possible… I lusted after this house on paper for a couple of months before seeing it as it was going to auction…it’s still available. 

My friends all laugh at me as I view plans for potential houses, and rework them on paper …. I think I get this from my mom, who was a decorator (and a good one)… but we did not always have the same taste. I frequently hear her in my head… but then I just smile and repeat the mantra ‘I can do as I like… I have no filter, now’….

Wherever I move next will be the first house that will be completely mine… and I’m ready.

The second house, was a mid-terraced (which is not my first choice), but the online viewing and floor plan looked like it might be possible… I was already aware that the garden was probably too big for me, but as it’s been almost 20 years since I last moved sometimes you need to just ‘see it in person’.. It’s a wonderful house and would be fab if I was 20 years younger… but, this is not my house.

The next house is 16th century house that has be divided in 2.  Currently rented out and owned by the other half… it’s lovely, and yes potential, and the agent who showed me around was particularly helpful…. But even though this might work, my budget and what would need to be done (primarily a loo upstairs)… is not realistic.

Then I got an email from a new friend in the village saying there was a house being renovated, not on the market yet, and in the village… the builder would be happy for me to see it… even in it’s gutted state. So, my friend and I had a look… this is the first house even in ‘rubble’ conditions that has made my heart go ‘pitter-pat’… I can’t say this is my house….yet…. But for the first time in this process, I see what my life might be… I literally sobbed as we left the house…

I’ve never really understood what ‘mourning’ felt like as there was always something else to think about… pandemic, lockdown…alone.. I just wrapped myself up and and held myself very still for 3 years.. and when I did go out.. it wasn’t for long or very far away… the physical pain of getting from my front door to the car, then sobbing in the car before I could go anywhere meant I just didn’t go anywhere..

Those feelings are not gone, but they are certainly better. I decided in the Autumn to take a crochet course in Norwich, at Norfolk Yarn.  It is a 6 session course that meets on a Saturday, once per month from October to March. The class is small, and led by wonderful Sue Maton.

Although I won’t finish the project by March… there is great online videos to help… I’ll be backing it and using it as a wall hanging in the new house… wherever it may be.

The best thing about doing a project like this is I’ve been able to stay with friends in the area. It’s a ‘mini-holidette’…. And practice to ‘get out in the world’.  My friends have a wonderful 3 story ‘thatchy’ house, filled with cosy couches, welcoming ‘puppy’, wonderful food, and a ‘life-replenishing’ feel.  I’ve just been able to be me.. do as much or as little as I need… they will never know how grateful I am that I’ve been able to stay with them through this time..

I’ve now had ‘the talk’ from both of them… on reality… what I might look for….how much I might realistically pay for a new property and how much mine will actually sell for at this time and in this climate….. and what I need to be doing to prepare for moving forward.

I know I am very lucky to have friends who have seen me through during this time..friends who are honest and always willing to listen to me.. ‘prattle’…. I would never have gotten to this point without them….  Whether is be a willingness to ‘feed the boys’, or invite me for a drink over the hols, friends who knew my Chris’ before I did, and welcomed me into their lives, music friends / colleagues who understand that some day are just ‘too hard’… family and friends who made sure I didn’t fall too low into my own world…. They saved me… and gave me a hope for moving forward… and now I can…

This morning I accepted an offer on my home, and stc…. I can begin to breathe….

I hope